Him: Hey great meeting you last night
Her: You too
Him: WANT TO HANG OUT THIS WEEKEND?!?!
Her: Huh? We live 6 hours away from each other...
Him: YEAH SO WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL???
Her: I barely even know you???
Him: I THOUGHT WE CONNECTED LAST NIGHT GEEZ SORRY FOR BOTHERING YOU
Her: You seem nice and I thought it would be cool to get to know each other a little bit through text and it just seems weird that we're all of a sudden taking road trips to see each other?
Him: WELL FUCK YOU THEN.
Recently I read an exchange between a guy and a girl that baaaaaaasically looked like this:
I'm paraphrasing, of course. But, I kinda wish I wasn't. That would have been so much quicker to read than what I actually read. The actual exchange was pretty long and throughout their conversation, she was giving MAJOR INDICATIONS that he was pushing too hard, forcing the conversation and generally just not doin' it for her. AT ALL.
It's ok if you're thinking, "Oh, shit. I'm him!" because I see this happen to guys A LOT.
When a woman shows even an inkling, smidgen, hint, wee bit of interest - men JUMP ALL OVER HER. They go in wayyyyyyyy too fast and wayyyyyyy too strong - which is exactly what he did.
If I included the actual exchange you would see that it went badly because as she was clearly pulling back, he kept going in just as strong, or stronger. To give you an analogy, it's like if someone is talking too close to you and you back away and the person keeps coming closer and closer as you continue to back away, it's very socially "off"/strange and very off-putting or in some cases, threatening.
So reading her signs, or "reading the room" so-to-speak is sooooo crucial in those tender "I just got her number and don't want to fuck this up" moments. If you don't read the signs, that little turtle that was popping its head out of its shell will pull it right. back. in.
If you listen to The Ask Women Podcast or have been learning about how to interact with women, you already know that reading her signals is super important. And, since you already know that because you're super smooth and savvy, I want to talk about the next landmine in this dating minefield - MISREADING her signals.
DUN, DUN, DUNNNNNN.
Which is EXACTLY what he did.
It's frustrating, I know. You're like, "But, we were totally hitting it off the night before, she was following me around and we almost kissed" and then all of a sudden, when you try to follow up with her and take it further, she goes totally cold.
And, that my friends, is because you thought she was giving you the green light. But, that was NOT the green light she was giving you, it was the yellow light.
Ah, the yellow light.... The forgotten, the overlooked, the ignored yellow light. Poor yellow light.
Because men and women are biologically so different, most women operate on a more nuanced level - so while men are either red light/green light, women are red light/yellow light/bright yellow light/yellow-gold light/amber-ish yellow light okayyyyy maybe green light/teal-green light/oooook yes, green light.
When a woman seems to be enjoying your presence and engaging with you at the very, very beginning of meeting one another, that is her way of saying, "Okay, dude. Slowly proceed with caution."
Here's another analogy because I love them.
Imagine this phase as the first 15/20 minutes of a movie. You're thinking "Ok, ok. Not too bad so far. The characters seem cool and I can see this turning into something good." But, then you hit the 30 minute mark and a few scenes were a little strange and didn't seem to feel natural but you're still holding on, hoping for it to be everything it had the potential to be. And, then suddenly a character comes out wearing a tuxedo at the beach and is running around like a maniac and you're like "GODDAMN IT. There goes that movie."
THIS IS WHAT IT'S LIKE WHEN A WOMAN GIVES YOU HER NUMBER.
So, the "30 minute mark" of your movie with her should stay as it was the night before - natural, easy, not rushed etc. And, then once you two clearly establish that you're wild over one another, you can throw out the idea of taking a 6 hour road trip to see each other this weekend.
I know there are so many questions that come from from this like, how do you establish you're wild over one another? Or, how do you get her to be wild over you? Or, why are there rips in your new underwear? But, since this is a single blog post and it's almost 3am, I'm going to stop there. All of those questions I can help you with through my coaching or banter services.
I'm giving you the green light to work with me on those things any time.